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okeh.
kita tarik napas panjang panjang...
hembussssss
tarik lagi.....
hembusssssss

MASA UNTUK MENERIMA KENYATAAN

The Truth that,


I AM FAT.
I AM NOW ONE FAT GIRL.

okeh,yang nak mengomen, `ape gemuk nye ko...you look just fine to me.`, please dont do so, coz, I am fat now.

Self realization.

Semua nya bermula pada suatu tengahari yang tenang, dengan cuaca yang begitu mengasyikan untuk kembali beradu didalam selimut berkuasa elektrik sambil di temani penguin gebu kesayangan

NOT

actually ditemani suara seorang yang geram. `tidor je keje, cuba lah gerakkan badan tu.ni dok tidor tidor pastu merungut dah gemuk`
That was MrBeau

Tang tang tu la, gambar ke Bizan semalam,ada orang upload. And my oh my, what did I saw?
My freaking humongous big thigh and cheek. Not to mention my spare tires are clearly visible here and there.

That my dear friends, are the proof that I am no longer as slim as what I used to be and I am now F.A.T

I miss wearing my white jeans from my PPKTJ days. And the grey slack I bought a few years ago. And those nice tops and blouses which a no no to me now.

I realized that, I was slim and SLIM when I was in my MMP and PPKTJ due to the fact that I was physically active. I used to go for Taekwondos training which lasted for 3 hours per week. I walked here and there, sometimes just for a bungkus of nasi. I STUDIED FOR HOURS AND HOURS. I can eat a whole loaf of bread and another plate of rice and stay skinny.

No wonder why.

Gonna change my life style. Limiting my calories intake and changing my diet did me nothing. Gonna work my self up and crank my metabolism up a few notch again.

-one of my 2010 and 2009 resolutions which didnt work. *sigh*

67

I blog less and lesser these days....
Sindrom malas

***

Kenapa orang mesti nak melabel orang lain and nak medescriminate orang?
I mean like `ok member ni tak cukup islamic/cool/best/bandar/tak cakap bahasa baku tuk aku tegur/kawan`.
Walhal before ni memang baik ngamngam ala ala tidur sebantal (perumpamaan aja)
I am not pointing this to anyone, more to remind myself and I just wanna convey to all how I feel when something like above happens to myself.

I am frustrated.
I am sad.

Why cant we just be friends like we used to be?

Suddenly,the way I look/think/act/talk become a barrier in our friendship?

Stop the nonsenses!

Yep, Aku tak cukup islamic up to your standard lagi. I dont post islamic quotes or islamic songs. But I still have my own ground to stand up to.

Yes, Aku malas nak berbahasa baku.

Haah, Aku gadis kampung yang serba serbi kekurangan dan kekampungan. Manalah aku reti pasal gig dan indie ni.

Oui, Aku langsung tak cool. I hate hanging my DSLR around my neck and I opt to bring my compact camera around more. As I hate to be a follower.

Hai, Aku sangat bodoh. Ada banyak benda yang aku kena tanya baru aku paham. I am neither born full with information in my head nor born genius. Thats why I ask around, sometimes question that makes me look like stupid and ignorance bitch or she-knew-it-all. Malu bertanya sesat jalan duhhhh!

Oh yes, I aint pretty. Not at all.  I even have problems with my self esteem.

***

Exams stating next week.
Counting my days to *tuuttttttt* *tuuuuttttt*

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Why I loathe SUMMER

1) Freakingly HUMID! kat sini, humidity kadang2 up sampai 90%. That is like being in a sauna room. Or some room without proper air ventilation when its 40 degree outside.

2) Kelas kat sini yang tak reti2 nak pasang aircond.

Or kipas angin at least. Serious, they do not have fan in class. Electric Fan. We have to fan ourself or else we either die in humidity, or feel asleep or....

They will turn on the aircond when it is July. and when the temperature is 29degree (to some places its 30 degree. Differs) At my Uni, starting this year,they only set the aircond temperature to 28degree only. xleh adjust. arghhhh!

3) No angin when you are outside. Kalau bukak tingkap pun time kelas, biasanya, tiada pergerakan angin keluar atau masuk. No. Nil. Nada.

4) Panas will lead to constant need of Soda. Or cold drinks. Or Icecreams. Will lead to kekurangan fund dalam dompet.

5) Bila sendiri bayar bil, you tend to be kedekut. Aircond ada kat bilik, tapi so far, tengah tahan diri dan bersabar with kipas senior sedekah kan. And with Ice creams. And with unlimited supply of water. I am drowning around 4 liters of water these days.

6) Bangun tido dengan peluh 1 badan. Enough said.

7) Have to wear thin clothes. Like baju kurung. or Tee. but I have no Tees!! (alasan nak g shopping)

8) Panas+humid= makeup tak stay! pakai makeup, even simple makeup like foundation wont stay more than 5 mins. lagi2 kalau orang macam aku yang nek beskal pegi kelas (owh, Uni is just 5 mins away). Sampai kelas, 1 muka berpeluh2. There goes my not only foundation, but also my sunscreen.

9) Sebab panas sangat, malas nak gerak. So akan lepak kat umah aja. Will lead to constant consumption of Ice cream. and twittering. and sleeping. and will again lead to weight gain. ARGHHHH

10) It is easy to get sunburn here. Seriously. My hand is darker and so do my face if I dont wear enough sun protection. And I just lost my cap! adehh.....

Ada lagi ke?

My hamster pun lately macam xselesa. (One reason is, I keep teasing her. who can resist her sleeping face or her sleepy-I-Just-woke-up face or her nomming face....) Dia panas. I kena beli cooling pad for her la maksud nya ni.....uhuk2.

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2 weeks ago, i`d turned 24 years young.
(and I refused to blog anything about it because 24 seems like old.old as in O-L-D,like you are supposed to have a proper life, proper job and matured enough when I have nothing!)

The birthday was a low keyed one compared to last year`s.

But as memorable as it has to be.

I did nothing on my birthday. Had no cake, candles or someone singing me Happy Birthday.
(but had my cake a few days later,so okay la! my first cake since studying in japan summore! And I did get someone to played me a happy birthday song by a violin. Lagi special kan?)

I even had a row with him on my birthday night.

(But I had a great day before my birthday)

This year, I celebrated my birthday with someone special by my side, with friends and filled with laughters.
And pressies (mostly from my family and him)
And loads of FB msges.
And few on my hp.
And no one called.
Never mind.

I am 24 years young now. A young woman. Although I still dont know what I want to do later in my life, I have new aim to be achieved. Something big,hard and full with commitment. Something that will change my life forever. but we never know what life has for us in the future,so I just can pray for the best. For Him knew the best for me.

Except the fact that I am fatter and chubbier and rounder, I love who I am now.
(Okay Okay,I still need to improve a lot,but we will be there sometime okay?)
I still have my childishness, and my silliness too. My clumsiness hasnt 100% goes away yet, my tongue had gotten sharper and I am building my own Shoppe with my own. With help from great friends and family of course.

When I was a kid, I never imagined that I would be when I am 24 and I am still cant imagine what I am going to be when I am older. Even who I am going to be when I am 25 or 30. I will be someone, and I am hoping that someone I am going to be, is a great person and has a great personality. And yet, she knows her roots.

As for my birthday, I had gotten myself something to care, to love and to share. She is my bundle of joy and love. I love her to bits to the extend that sometimes,I feel like biting her into half.

Please meet Miko (MikoChin), my cheeky daughter.

***

Thanks Ibu and Abah for being the best and the greatest Parents for me, for believing in me, for letting me to pursue what I dream, for praying for me, for doakan me everytime

Thanks adik2 for letting me be..erm..me;kakak yang agak gilo~

Thanks member2 fer being my friends in need, teman shopping perabis duit,teman makan and.....(sila isi sendiri wee~)

Thanks Allah for letting me alive, healthy, kicking, eating for another day, week, month and year.

Thank you Allah for your endless nikmat and rahmat although I dont deserve them all.

Thanks badan sendiri for staying healthy and `behave`

Thank you for my supporters.Especially who help me with my Shoppe.

Who believed in my crazy project.

Thanks to everyone

And I love you all.

With all my heart.

***

Thanks Lysa, Thanks Budak2 Ooishi~

***

and,

(Tutup muka kaver malu buat kenyataan terbuka macam ni. *blush blush blush*)

Thanks Dear for accepting me who is full with inner and outer flaws.

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!Haippp! 

Sapa yang rasa entry ni terlalu jiwang dan sebelum anda muntah di atas papan kekunci anda, saya menasihati anda supaya klik pada butang X di sebelah kanan browser anda (bagi pengguna Windows) dan butang bulat merah bagi pengguna Mac. Sekian. Kerjasama anda sangatlah saya hargai.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISKS!

***

To second third handsome guy in the world who is now sleeping peacefully in black Tee...
(Sorry la yek as you wont get the most handsome guy yet. So far My Abah and my Ayoh -fraternal grandfather - are still the most and the second handsome guys in the world respectively. Huhu)

(OK, you look very handsome la today. Time tengah tido pun handsome with your rambut terpacak pacak macam ada letak wax)


Dearest You
Selamat Satu Haribulan.



Like what you had said to me a few days ago `Kita baru # bulan. Insya Allah kita ada banyak bulan lagi`

Insya Allah.
And may we have a lot more months together.
Our journey has just begin.
With a lot more to come.

Thank you for supporting me.

And keep being one of my backbones, will you?

Thank you for making me happy so far.

And can you keep making me feel like I am the most beautiful and lucky girl in this world?

Thank you for cherishing me.

And keep on cherishing me, will you?

Thank you for loving me.

And keep loving me, please?

(As I,love you too)

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ngehehehehehe~ just a short update as I still cant transfer pictures from my SD card to my Laptop.
I had been salivating over this poster since I saw it at Village Vanguard AEON Niihama. Selalu berangan nak tampal poster camni kat umah, So,I bought the lady last Saturday. Hihihi~

I like Audrey Hepburn even though I havent watch any of her movies yet. For me, she is soooo pretty and beautiful. Especially in this movie.

I really like my new house(room). So far I did managed to get it to look like what I wanted it to be. I did said that I want a pink room but in reality and due to money restrictions during my first month in here, I settles with a beige carpet, brown curtain supplied by my landlord, black TV rack and black book shelves, black standing mirror, red coffee table and leopard-skin-sofa. The only pink thing(big stuff not small stuff) is my Futon, which I bought them from my kosen days.

As many of you know how messy my room can be, alhamdulillah I managed to keep the messiness to a very minimum level. Insya Allah will try to keep it this way. Serious yo,tak tipu~
Tengah minggu ie selasa,rabu, messy la sikit sebab occupied with lab reports and night classes. Paling teruk maybe on Wednesday kot.Pagi bangun, siapkan report, g lab, g kelas fukushi, balik kejap masak, off to night class again around 7.30pm (class starts at 7.40pm) and I return home around 9.30pm (class finish at 9.10pm or earlier) So balik dah penat, I biasa mandi, have my dinner, chatting/video call while watching TV or doing assignments. Then go to sleep as I have morning classes on the next day.

(kata short update....)
Oklah, dah kul 2.mau tidur~