Fresh Start

So~

I have resigned from my previous job and now I am a full time student.

Life (and house) is still messy as me and hubs are trying to fit into my new schedule of being at my lab 8 hours a day. I commute every day by car and oh my, driving for 2 hours return surely tiring. I am now grateful that hubs drive me everywhere before. We did consider for me to commute by public transport but it will be too time consuming and expensive. At the moment a friend from my lab decided to carpool with me.

I am doing a master in philosophy in biotech I think? Everything is still a blur. Hahahaha especially after my proposal was rejected. But then, it was my own fault. I think I am brave enough to submit the proposal as it was the worse. EVER. My proposal presentation also sucked HAHAHAHA. Now I need to redo them and I hope I can think something that is good enough and presentable.

I have left school for almost 2 years,and I always felt that I studied enough during undergraduate years but I was wrong. I did not study enough. I am surprised with my own lack of knowledge. What did I learned and where is all the knowledge went is still a mystery to me. Now I felt that I really have the courage to say to my previous supervisor that I want to pursue my masters when he clearly know that I know nothing about my own studies. Sorry sensei. So here I am, trying to re-educate myself again. This precious change I have gotten this time is my only chance to fix everything.

This new journey wont be as easy as ABC, but Allah will help me. Rabbi yassir wala tuassir

One small step

Nothing will happen if you are afraid to step forward.

The smallest first step is the hardest, but it will be the start for a thousand more journey.

I am currently battling with my inner self.

I am being offered a very good, irresistible deal but I kept feeling off the track. Everyone else are supporting me and urging me to take the deal but I am thinking about my family. The deal is something that I wanted for a long time, having to let it down once as I was pregnant with Husna. But now, I am afraid and worry about Husna and Hubby as well. Can we cope with the big changes after I take the deal? Can I survive? Did I turned softer after marriage? Can Husna survive without her father? They are best buddies.

------

I called my mom.

Actually, returned her missed call. She wanted to talk about other thing but then lead to the deal. Mom said, dont considered about others’ condition as theirs’ can be arranged. Do what I want and what I should. My mom is considering this as a rezeki from Allah. In many way.

TwT

Bulatkan hati, keraskan hati, dont be afraid and do it. Insya Allah this is WHAT ALLAH wants me to do and what He wants me to be. Takyah takut takut nak tinggalkan this comfort zone.

Comfort zone. Is really comforting.

I wake up, prepare Husna’s lunch, pack her milk and bag(sometimes her daddy do the packing,yeah I told you they are best buddies), prepare breakfast, showered, get ready, breakfast, send Husna to Taska and then off to work with hubby. At work, it is stress free,at least to me. Not as stressful as doing research or in engineering. Manageable. I sit in air-conditioned room,in front of PC all day, with toilet breaks here and there while squeeze in between 3 milk pumping breaks. I can have whatever I like for lunch, with colleagues, or just hang in front of PC reading blogs. Then I finish my work at 6 and wait for hubby. Dinner is always home cooked. After dinner we watch TV/movie/lipat baju together.

This, is super comforting. Stress free. Husna is great with her Taska. Our journey to and fro work is toll free and jam free. Less than 30 minutes from home to be exact. Yeah, many should be wondering why I wanted to leave this super comfort life. I dont want to but I came to realise that I have to. For my own sake and for my family sake.

I guess that will do for now. I just have to bulatkan my heart and race towards it. At least I will have a new goal to reach right?

Rabbi yassir wa la tuassir Ya Kareem.