Thursday, April 24, 2014

Fresh Start


I have resigned from my previous job and now I am a full time student.

Life (and house) is still messy as me and hubs are trying to fit into my new schedule of being at my lab 8 hours a day. I commute every day by car and oh my, driving for 2 hours return surely tiring. I am now grateful that hubs drive me everywhere before. We did consider for me to commute by public transport but it will be too time consuming and expensive. At the moment a friend from my lab decided to carpool with me.

I am doing a master in philosophy in biotech I think? Everything is still a blur. Hahahaha especially after my proposal was rejected. But then, it was my own fault. I think I am brave enough to submit the proposal as it was the worse. EVER. My proposal presentation also sucked HAHAHAHA. Now I need to redo them and I hope I can think something that is good enough and presentable.

I have left school for almost 2 years,and I always felt that I studied enough during undergraduate years but I was wrong. I did not study enough. I am surprised with my own lack of knowledge. What did I learned and where is all the knowledge went is still a mystery to me. Now I felt that I really have the courage to say to my previous supervisor that I want to pursue my masters when he clearly know that I know nothing about my own studies. Sorry sensei. So here I am, trying to re-educate myself again. This precious change I have gotten this time is my only chance to fix everything.

This new journey wont be as easy as ABC, but Allah will help me. Rabbi yassir wala tuassir

Monday, February 3, 2014

One small step

Nothing will happen if you are afraid to step forward.
The smallest first step is the hardest, but it will be the start for a thousand more journey.

I am currently battling with my inner self.
I am being offered a very good, irresistible deal but I kept feeling off the track. Everyone else are supporting me and urging me to take the deal but I am thinking about my family. The deal is something that I wanted for a long time, having to let it down once as I was pregnant with Husna. But now, I am afraid and worry about Husna and Hubby as well. Can we cope with the big changes after I take the deal? Can I survive? Did I turned softer after marriage? Can Husna survive without her father? They are best buddies.

I called my mom.

Actually, returned her missed call. She wanted to talk about other thing but then lead to the deal. Mom said, dont considered about others’ condition as theirs’ can be arranged. Do what I want and what I should. My mom is considering this as a rezeki from Allah. In many way.


Bulatkan hati, keraskan hati, dont be afraid and do it. Insya Allah this is WHAT ALLAH wants me to do and what He wants me to be. Takyah takut takut nak tinggalkan this comfort zone.

Comfort zone. Is really comforting.
I wake up, prepare Husna’s lunch, pack her milk and bag(sometimes her daddy do the packing,yeah I told you they are best buddies), prepare breakfast, showered, get ready, breakfast, send Husna to Taska and then off to work with hubby. At work, it is stress free,at least to me. Not as stressful as doing research or in engineering. Manageable. I sit in air-conditioned room,in front of PC all day, with toilet breaks here and there while squeeze in between 3 milk pumping breaks. I can have whatever I like for lunch, with colleagues, or just hang in front of PC reading blogs. Then I finish my work at 6 and wait for hubby. Dinner is always home cooked. After dinner we watch TV/movie/lipat baju together.

This, is super comforting. Stress free. Husna is great with her Taska. Our journey to and fro work is toll free and jam free. Less than 30 minutes from home to be exact. Yeah, many should be wondering why I wanted to leave this super comfort life. I dont want to but I came to realise that I have to. For my own sake and for my family sake.

I guess that will do for now. I just have to bulatkan my heart and race towards it. At least I will have a new goal to reach right?

Rabbi yassir wa la tuassir Ya Kareem.

Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Happy Birthday Husna!

“Oh! happy happy greeting
Omedetou Omedetou
Birthday! Rousoku kesou yo
Kimi to ikiteiru yo
Mainichi Yume ga umareru
Happy Happy Greeting - KinKi Kids-

Happy FIRST Birthday My dearest daughter!
Mama and Touchan love you to the max!

Kisah kelahiran Himawari Husna *Jeng jeng jeng*

16 Sept 2012, Sunday
It was a busy day. My brother in-law got married yesterday and today was his bride’s side reception. So me and my hubby went to the wedding which was held somewhere in Kepong ke Melawati. Ate, had fun and went to another wedding. My senior/husband’s office mate also got married today at Felda Jalan Semarak. We went there and met Salwati sensei who taught me during my first year at PPKTJ. Alang-alang dekat area KLCC, hubby ajak ke KLCC,round-round. So memang round-round la. Malam tu balik ke Shah Alam. I dont remember why we didnt go back to Puchong that night altho it was Sunday night and hubs supposedly working on the next morning. Cuti ganti hari Malaysia? ke sebab dah nak beranak?
Sampai-sampai aja dekat Shah Alam,we fall asleep after Maghrib. I woke up at 10-ish, coughing badly. Suddenly I felt like I peed in my pants but I cant tahan the pee. So I woke my hubby up and asked him to get me a tissue. Wipe down and saw blood. Oh YEAH! Ze blood show! My baby is coming soon! We decided to go to the hospital that night. So lepas salam dengan in-laws, kitaorg pun off to Putrajaya.
Malam tu tak lah ramai sangat orang, so cepat aja dapat cek. I just 1 cm dilated and the contraction wasnt strong enough so nurse asked me to go home and have a good rest. So we went home to Puchong that night and had a good sleep(not so good for me actually)

17 Sept 2012, Monday
Sebenarnya masa ni, rumah kitaorang tak ada proper tilam lagi. We either slept on toto at living room or on air mattress. Nak jadikan cerita, our air mattress bocor malam 17 Sept. Masa tengah-tengah tidur, terasa makin lama makin nipis. haha. But for me it felt so good as the mattress kinda molded into my body curve and it hugged my big tummy. Bangun pagi tu tak terasa sakit sangat lagi tapi start track contractions pakai app. We went to had a very big breakfast, I had laksam for breakfast and nasi kerabu for lunch. Burp alhamdulillah. Hubby went to office while I spent my day golek golek.
Hubs got home and the contraction starts to get regular. Tapi still boleh tahan. Hubs cooked nasi goreng udang but I can only eat a bit. Then I ushered hubs to sleep in case kena pegi hospital malam tu. I tried to sleep but it was so painful. Kat bawah pun sakit, kat atas sofa pun sakit. tapi still tahannn. sampai lah around 1~2am, when the contraction was about 10 mins apart. I kejutkan hubby and we all siap-siap untuk ke hospital.
Sampai-sampai hospital, VE was performed on me and I was 2cm dilated and had to admitted. Malam tu ramai sungguh yang nak beranak. Sampai ada ramai yang datang lepas I kena pergi ke Serdang atau ke Selayang. Tapi I only dapat masuk ward at 8am although sampai hospital at 3am. Sebabnya walaupun my contraction was regular, my baby seemed to be sleeping and she wasnt moving frequently enough. So I was strapped on the CTG for almost 4 hours with 2 bottles of water inserted into my body.
My parents rushed from KB that morning after we informed that I got admitted. Pagi tu rilek lagi boleh gelak-gelak. Bila sakit I clawed my husband. Lunch time,dapat makan yang sedap. Nasi biryani with ayam tandoori. Tapi xsempat abes sebab dah start sakit.
Bila 3pm camtu tetibe rasa sakit sgt2. So doc check dah 4 cm dilated and I should get into the labor room asap. Nak dijadikan cerita, akak depan katil I pun dah 4 cm jugak, tapi she was expected to give birth earlier than I am as dia dah 2nd pregnancy, so I bagilah dia dulu yang masuk labor room.
Doc datang and broke my water and she also inserted ubat untuk bagi all the poop keluar. Terlari-lari jugak la pegi toilet. Setel semua tu, tukar baju, off to labor room. Dekat labor room satu cerita pulak sebab from CTG, my baby seemed not moving frequently. Macam2 dah dorang buat. Sakit tu perghh sakit lah jugak. Meronta-ronta sampai hubby risau. Long story short, doc nak potong saja I sebab baby tak moving sangat. Macam tidur gitu. So kitaorang pun dah xtau nak pujuk baby macam mana lagi,so we gave our consent to csect. Seriously,dah coax baby,dah urut, baby still xnak bangun tidur. Huuuu. So sign lah surat bagai. At that time rasa bengang sangat sebab sakit kan,doc nak explain this and that sampai rasa nak sepak aja doc tu.
Masuk la pulak ke OT. Epidural and what nots. Masa tengah csect tu I macam kat awang-awangan. Borak-borak blur-blur dengan doc. Lepas baby kuar,she cried so loudly and I laughed. Terasa cam perghh kuat nyaaa nangis. I only got to see her after the nurses cleaned her. Nurse bawa cium dan tunjuk genital dia pun dah wangi-wangi. hihi. Pastu nurse bawak baby jumpa my hubby, my parents and hubby’s parents while the doc stitched me up and bawak me to recuperation room. Best kot kat bilik tu sebab panas. Selesa sampai tertidur-tidur. Then I went back to my ward.
Sana jumpa lah balik dengan miss pipi tembam macam pau. Cerita taihen first night dan susahnya lepas csect kita KIV. Dah panjang sangat dah ni.

So Happy birthday Himawari Husna!

Friday, September 13, 2013

On Cloth Diapers

We have been using cloth diapers for Husna since she is around 2 month old. I first got to know about them from Facebook, after a friend actively posted about them.

Now Husna is 90% on CD,10% being on disposable diapers when we are out and I dont really want to lug around soiled nappy or when she is not well.

The thing with CD, apart from they are eco friendly, they also “kinda” wallet friendly but not during the first time as you need to spend quite a lot to start CD-ing. Aside that, we dont have to closely monitor Disposable diapers(DD) price and dont have to endure smelly soiled nappies at home.

I spent around RM300-RM400 to buy all the CD I am using right now. I bought preused as well as new ones. Preused is relatively cheap but sometimes they are not as good as new ones. A few in my collection is already delaminated after a few uses and I cant use it anymore :(

Since starts with CD, we rarely buy DD. Maybe just a pack in 3 months which almost all the time ended up unused as Husna grown out of the size. Banyak simpan aja. Maka nak beli DD pun biasa beli kat expo aja. Murah sikit. Lagipun haritu Huggies gilagila promo so dpt baaaanyak samples free.

Advantages pakai CD?
- of course la jimat duit. tak de rasa cuak “Yayang!!! diapers dah abesss!!!”
- susah kena nappy rash. yup. Husna kena nappy rash sekali aja. tu pun sebab pakai DD dan DD brand sekian sekian tu tak sesuai dengan kulit Husna.
- Comel. Cuba letak DD dan CD sebelah menyebelah. Sure CD lagi menyerlah dan comel.
- no moar smelly kitchen or room esp bila tak buang sampah lebih dari sehari.
- boleh guna untuk next baby!

Disadvantages(actually xde la disadvantages sgt, cuma low point dia aja)
- kena rajin basuh, unless nak se baldi soiled nappy dalam toilet and toilet berbau.
- nak start tu rasa macam mahal la sikit. huhu~

Banyak mana penjimatan ber CD ni? Meh kira kira sikit

Lets say 1 pack besar ada 80 pcs, baby pakai 6 pcs sehari. 1 pack tu plak harga nya RM35
80pcs per pack/6 pcs per day = 13 hari per pack.
1 bulan 30 hari.
30 hari/13hari = 2.3 pack per month (+/- 5 packs every 2 months)

Katakanlah Baby start pakai CD dari umur 2 bulan sampai potty trained at erm… 3 years old = (12-2)+12+12 = 34 bulan.
34 bulan / 2 bulan = 17
17 x 5 = 85 packs
85 packs x RM35 = RM2975.

kalo pakai CD

lets say we need around 30 pcs of CDs.
sekarang CD paling murah di jual at RM17/pcs.
17pcs x 30 pcs = RM510
Kita masukkan lah jugak sedikit calculation untuk DD dan misc stuff in here
RM510 + [11 packs of DD (dgn calculation of 1 pack per 3 month) x RM35 ] RM385+ RM50 (liners etc) = RM945

So kalo compare CD dan DD
CD = RM945
DD = RM2975
dah jimat around RM2030 tu!

For long term baru lah nampak jimat tak jimat. awal2 xnampak sgt. Selain dr tu, CD ni boleh simpan dan pakaikan kat baby lain juge.

I dont know about others but it seem that CD usage suits us and our lifestyle. If you wanna try it , please, lets CD-ing~

Of Breastfeeding

Alhamdulillah, This September will mark one year of my journey breastfeeding Husna. I dont know how to react if anybody ask me if it was easy or hard. I dont want to sound cocky or full of myself but alhamdulillah, so far, I dont feel troubled by breastfeeding even after I start working. I also feel easy and this might be because Husna is a good baby.

Although Husna was delivered through emergency C-sect due to fetal distress,Husna latched on her first time without any problem. The feeling watching a newborn sucking on boobies for the first time was indescribable. It feels weird at first. But everytime I think about it, I feel like falling in love with my baby again and again. Hihi.

I exclusively breastfeed Husna for about 9 months. Me and my husband also didnt bottle trained her during that period and only start to train Husna once I start working. We had a lot of problem for the first few weeks but it was mainly because of Husna’s then babysitter. Now as I start working, I pump at work, using my trusty manual Unimom pump. No money la to buy freestyle. Huhu. I pump around 3-4 times a day and manage to squeeze max 12oz but normally I bring back 8oz. Sikit? It might be but it is enough for Husna as Husna only drinks from 6oz to 8oz per day at nursery. She eats a lot and also drink plain water, so there is no problem alhamdulillah so far.

If I were to give points on breastfeeding, I would say these points.

1- For the first month, please please please, breastfeed exclusively on demand. Store bottles, formula milks, teats etc out of your sight and out of your mind. At first, it might be hard but dont worry as Insya Allah it will be ok with time.
2- Sucking on boobies is a new thing to learn for babies so they might have take some time to master it. Dont give up and keep on encourage baby to breastfeed.
3- Some friends complained that their babies demand milk often and dont sleep well even after several feedings, making they feel like their milk is not nutritious enough and the amount they are producing is not enough. Hurm.. Breastmilk is easily digested and babie’s stomach is small. Hence, babies seem to be hungry all the time and always demanding for milk. To counter this, just breastfeed the baby on demand.
4- For those who think her milk is not nutritious enough for her baby, stop thinking so. Insya Allah, even without consuming so call milk booster and vitamins, your breastmilk is nutritious for you baby.
5- Some complain that her milk supply is so low and she cant produce like… 30 oz milk per day and dont have a freezer full of frozen breastmilk. This kind of thinking is a bit wrong. One have to remember that “demand=Supply”. The more demand, more milk will be produce. So, IF you wants to have enough supply, always breastfeed your babies with max 3 hours per feeding during the day and 4 hours during night is I am not mistaken.Pump on schedule and dont skip it. Power pumping once in a while. Consuming vitamins and so called milk booster and doing nothing will get you nowhere. Drink 2-3L water per day.

You will get nothing by goyang kaki and expect thing to roll down to your foot. No pain no gain la.