82

okeh.
kita tarik napas panjang panjang...
hembussssss
tarik lagi.....
hembusssssss

MASA UNTUK MENERIMA KENYATAAN

The Truth that,


I AM FAT.
I AM NOW ONE FAT GIRL.

okeh,yang nak mengomen, `ape gemuk nye ko...you look just fine to me.`, please dont do so, coz, I am fat now.

Self realization.

Semua nya bermula pada suatu tengahari yang tenang, dengan cuaca yang begitu mengasyikan untuk kembali beradu didalam selimut berkuasa elektrik sambil di temani penguin gebu kesayangan

NOT

actually ditemani suara seorang yang geram. `tidor je keje, cuba lah gerakkan badan tu.ni dok tidor tidor pastu merungut dah gemuk`
That was MrBeau

Tang tang tu la, gambar ke Bizan semalam,ada orang upload. And my oh my, what did I saw?
My freaking humongous big thigh and cheek. Not to mention my spare tires are clearly visible here and there.

That my dear friends, are the proof that I am no longer as slim as what I used to be and I am now F.A.T

I miss wearing my white jeans from my PPKTJ days. And the grey slack I bought a few years ago. And those nice tops and blouses which a no no to me now.

I realized that, I was slim and SLIM when I was in my MMP and PPKTJ due to the fact that I was physically active. I used to go for Taekwondos training which lasted for 3 hours per week. I walked here and there, sometimes just for a bungkus of nasi. I STUDIED FOR HOURS AND HOURS. I can eat a whole loaf of bread and another plate of rice and stay skinny.

No wonder why.

Gonna change my life style. Limiting my calories intake and changing my diet did me nothing. Gonna work my self up and crank my metabolism up a few notch again.

-one of my 2010 and 2009 resolutions which didnt work. *sigh*

80

Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me. 

(quoted from Ike Graham, Runaway Bride 1999)

I ♥ you MrBeau

 01112010

79

I used to like going to airport.
Going there means either; I am going back to Malaysia, or, I am going back to Japan which either is something I used to look forward to.

Read more »

77

My latest pic.
Aku tengah blogging kat lab PC with sensei kat blakang ahahaha.
I am the one one the right ye. Jangan salah orang.

This is one of my latest pic with me wearing the inner yang ada awning and shawl yang kaler2 meriah2 camni.

I am still fat with 6*kg. Now at my heaviest. Trying to find ways to lose the stubborn fats and slim away. But still no luck.

By today, I have been living in Tokushima for 6 months and 3 weeks.

I am now 24 years, 4 months, and 2 days young. =p

I am still messy, heavy, blur, and well, ME.

I was back to Malaysia for 2 weeks and had the busiest 2 weeks. Well in term of holiday in Malaysia where it used to fill with relaxing and eating and going out with friends, the 2 weeks I had, was the busiest.

I had started my new semester, and received my results. All I can say is ALHAMDULILLAH. It was more than I expected with only 4 credits dropped and a more As than I expected. I dont know whether I should pat my back or not. Haha

It is Autumn in Japan and sometimes it is cold and sometimes it isnt. The smell of Kinmokusei was sooo nice and it is everywhere!

I bought the most expensive purchase in my life after my trustful MissPinkie(DELL 1420) and MAS tickets to back home last time (cost me whooping 110000Yen++). `The thing` isnt new,but she/he performs very well. I am now trying to make she/he to look more MINE. Pink, Hello Kitty and cute stuffs thrown here and there... but I have no money to do so. Takpe buat sikit2


Owh, dah lambat but I still wanna wish all my friends and reader, SELAMAT HARI RAYA, MAAF ZAHIR BATIN.

Salam Aidilfitri dari saya, Nurul Amalina Aisyah Muhamad Azmi a.k.a ciEri

76

(aku bukan tertinggal 1 entry atau salah taip,memang entry ni num 76.entry num 75 dah disimpan dalam draft atas beberapa sebab2 tertentu.sekian)

I dreamed of someone last night. Someone who used to be a very good friend to me. But sadly said, not anymore. Not even a good friend and I am in doubt if we are still FRIENDS with each other.

Read more »

71

Kenapa saya suka Tsuyoshi Domoto?
Kenapa saya suka Tsuyoshi Domoto?

Kami mula bertemu di rancangan Shonen kindaichi no jikenbo. Aku gilakan Manga Kindaichi. So bila tau NTV7 ada tayangkan drama Kindaichi, aku sanggup berjaga malam sebab nak tatap muka Kindaichi.

First impression? OMG This guy really played the role very well. He IS Kindaichi Hajime without doubt. Like Kindaichi Hajime was created for him.

From there, I became obsessed on finding who is this guy. I web searched infos on the drama and from there, I get to know the mystery guy`s name. And I also found out that he is in a duo called KinKi Kids.

Cut the story short, I bought their album (D Album) Listen to it for like, 10 times a day. Painfully read the lyrics and tried to sing along (which I failed with flying colors. Singing and Amalina Aisyah doesnt come along FYI. Basically I croak than sing)

And from the mysterious guy, Tsuyoshi Domoto became one of my reasons for me to come studying in Japan.

Sadly enough, I havent got time (and money of course) to go to his concert yet. Damn! Time is ticking tick tock and I havent meet him face-to-face wawawawa T.T

Why do I like him more than the other Domoto (which,for most of people out there,the much better looking Domoto)

1- He is himself.

2- He sings beautifully. His voice is so nice that by just listen to it, I fall in love it him more and more everytime

3- He takes beautiful picture. Seriously.

4- His personality is just perfect. 

5- The way he is,spells N-I-C-E and OMG-I-L-O-V-E-T-H-I-S-G-U-Y!!! He is sooooo yasashii so nice to others, the way he speaks is much better and nicer than the other Domoto.

etc etc etc

In short,
I love Tsuyoshi Domoto

***

010810

*Smile*

今まで

ありがとう

これからも

よろしく

ヤヤンのことは

大好きだよ!!

：ｘ

68

I dont want to be an idol

Or being looked up

Or being popular

Nope

Not at all

I just want to be loved by people who really knows how to appreciate me

67

I blog less and lesser these days....
Sindrom malas

***

Kenapa orang mesti nak melabel orang lain and nak medescriminate orang?
I mean like `ok member ni tak cukup islamic/cool/best/bandar/tak cakap bahasa baku tuk aku tegur/kawan`.
Walhal before ni memang baik ngamngam ala ala tidur sebantal (perumpamaan aja)
I am not pointing this to anyone, more to remind myself and I just wanna convey to all how I feel when something like above happens to myself.

I am frustrated.
I am sad.

Why cant we just be friends like we used to be?

Suddenly,the way I look/think/act/talk become a barrier in our friendship?

Stop the nonsenses!

Yep, Aku tak cukup islamic up to your standard lagi. I dont post islamic quotes or islamic songs. But I still have my own ground to stand up to.

Yes, Aku malas nak berbahasa baku.

Haah, Aku gadis kampung yang serba serbi kekurangan dan kekampungan. Manalah aku reti pasal gig dan indie ni.

Oui, Aku langsung tak cool. I hate hanging my DSLR around my neck and I opt to bring my compact camera around more. As I hate to be a follower.

Hai, Aku sangat bodoh. Ada banyak benda yang aku kena tanya baru aku paham. I am neither born full with information in my head nor born genius. Thats why I ask around, sometimes question that makes me look like stupid and ignorance bitch or she-knew-it-all. Malu bertanya sesat jalan duhhhh!

Oh yes, I aint pretty. Not at all.  I even have problems with my self esteem.

***

Exams stating next week.
Counting my days to *tuuttttttt* *tuuuuttttt*

64

2 weeks ago, i`d turned 24 years young.
(and I refused to blog anything about it because 24 seems like old.old as in O-L-D,like you are supposed to have a proper life, proper job and matured enough when I have nothing!)

The birthday was a low keyed one compared to last year`s.

But as memorable as it has to be.

I did nothing on my birthday. Had no cake, candles or someone singing me Happy Birthday.
(but had my cake a few days later,so okay la! my first cake since studying in japan summore! And I did get someone to played me a happy birthday song by a violin. Lagi special kan?)

I even had a row with him on my birthday night.

(But I had a great day before my birthday)

This year, I celebrated my birthday with someone special by my side, with friends and filled with laughters.
And pressies (mostly from my family and him)
And loads of FB msges.
And few on my hp.
And no one called.
Never mind.

I am 24 years young now. A young woman. Although I still dont know what I want to do later in my life, I have new aim to be achieved. Something big,hard and full with commitment. Something that will change my life forever. but we never know what life has for us in the future,so I just can pray for the best. For Him knew the best for me.

Except the fact that I am fatter and chubbier and rounder, I love who I am now.
(Okay Okay,I still need to improve a lot,but we will be there sometime okay?)
I still have my childishness, and my silliness too. My clumsiness hasnt 100% goes away yet, my tongue had gotten sharper and I am building my own Shoppe with my own. With help from great friends and family of course.

When I was a kid, I never imagined that I would be when I am 24 and I am still cant imagine what I am going to be when I am older. Even who I am going to be when I am 25 or 30. I will be someone, and I am hoping that someone I am going to be, is a great person and has a great personality. And yet, she knows her roots.

As for my birthday, I had gotten myself something to care, to love and to share. She is my bundle of joy and love. I love her to bits to the extend that sometimes,I feel like biting her into half.

Please meet Miko (MikoChin), my cheeky daughter.

***

Thanks Ibu and Abah for being the best and the greatest Parents for me, for believing in me, for letting me to pursue what I dream, for praying for me, for doakan me everytime

Thanks adik2 for letting me be..erm..me;kakak yang agak gilo~

Thanks member2 fer being my friends in need, teman shopping perabis duit,teman makan and.....(sila isi sendiri wee~)

Thanks Allah for letting me alive, healthy, kicking, eating for another day, week, month and year.

Thank you Allah for your endless nikmat and rahmat although I dont deserve them all.

Thanks badan sendiri for staying healthy and `behave`

Thank you for my supporters.Especially who help me with my Shoppe.

Who believed in my crazy project.

Thanks to everyone

And I love you all.

With all my heart.

***

Thanks Lysa, Thanks Budak2 Ooishi~

***

and,

(Tutup muka kaver malu buat kenyataan terbuka macam ni. *blush blush blush*)

Thanks Dear for accepting me who is full with inner and outer flaws.

62

Dah sebelas haribulan enam tahun duaribu sepuluh!!!!!

Oh no oh no oh no oh no OH NO!!!!!!!!!!!

*peluh nervous*

What to do what to say what to wear what to talk how to behave?????

And I have like 20 hours to prepare myself.

Great.

ONLY 20 HOURS LEFT!

*tick tock tick tock*

What if what if what if WHAT IF?

He doesnt like me?

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

*peluh nervous lagi*

Cuak dowh. Serious.

Cuak. Takut. Nervous. Excited. Tak Sabar.

(Nak jumpa dia depan mata)

Macam macam campur aduk gaul gaul jadi macam ABC.

Have a safe flight Dear.

dah la Ecah.

G buat keje ko yang melambak lambak macam everest tu.

kang ada orang tak tido malam ni.

(since bile aku start bahasakan diri aku `Ecah` instead of Amalina/cIeri?)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm

61

!Haippp! 

Sapa yang rasa entry ni terlalu jiwang dan sebelum anda muntah di atas papan kekunci anda, saya menasihati anda supaya klik pada butang X di sebelah kanan browser anda (bagi pengguna Windows) dan butang bulat merah bagi pengguna Mac. Sekian. Kerjasama anda sangatlah saya hargai.

READ AT YOUR OWN RISKS!

***

To second third handsome guy in the world who is now sleeping peacefully in black Tee...
(Sorry la yek as you wont get the most handsome guy yet. So far My Abah and my Ayoh -fraternal grandfather - are still the most and the second handsome guys in the world respectively. Huhu)

(OK, you look very handsome la today. Time tengah tido pun handsome with your rambut terpacak pacak macam ada letak wax)


Dearest You
Selamat Satu Haribulan.



Like what you had said to me a few days ago `Kita baru # bulan. Insya Allah kita ada banyak bulan lagi`

Insya Allah.
And may we have a lot more months together.
Our journey has just begin.
With a lot more to come.

Thank you for supporting me.

And keep being one of my backbones, will you?

Thank you for making me happy so far.

And can you keep making me feel like I am the most beautiful and lucky girl in this world?

Thank you for cherishing me.

And keep on cherishing me, will you?

Thank you for loving me.

And keep loving me, please?

(As I,love you too)

58

Are distance finally catching up with us?
For I am not suitable to be a dreamer.

54

Aku terbaca entry lama Hidd yang ni Cerita dongeng 1
terfikir
dan terfikir...
hurm.....
Bukan nak pressure hanya terfikir....
haha.

tipu r kalau aku cakap aku takmo kawen.
nak *angguk kepala*
tapi kadang kadang rasa takut *gigit bibir*

Read more »

52

`Friendship Forever k?`
`Ko jangan lupakan aku tau!`
`forget me not...`
`kita kawan sampai mati tau`
`ko ngan aku tetap kawan sampai bila bila`

kita selalu dengar kata-kata cam kat atas tu terutama nya bila nak abes sekolah, nak grad, time tulis buku autograf.
tapi...
in reality nya, sejauh mana kita dapat kotakan kata kata yang kita tulis tu? setahun, dua tahun, tiga tahun...?
Keeping touch yep as I myself know, are hard. But we can still try to do so kan? angkat telefon sms, send email, tulis kat wall facebook. keeping in touch isnt as hard as it used to be.

`ko duduk jauh`
`padan muka ko sapa suh study jauh2 sangat`
`aku xde kontak num ko la...`
`aku malu la. ko ngaji tinggi..aku takat sekolah menengah jah`
etc etc etc seribu satu alasan yang diberi.  alasan. padahal kalau nak, seribu ribu lemon cara ada. kadang kadang kita terlalu bias. dan juga mudah lupa.

`ala...dia pun mesti dah xingat kat aku.`
atau sebab dapat member lain, member lama di lupakan.
Dapat member kat sekolah menengah, member zaman kanak kanak dan member sekolah rendah dilupakan. dapat clique baru kat uni, clique lama kat sekolah menengah ditinggalkan.

Sedih jugak la bila jadi camni. Ada orang pernah cakap kat aku,`aku bukan taknak ajak ko, tapi ko jauh sangat, sure ko xbalik punya`
at least, bagitahu la. dapat datang atau tidak tu soal belakang. Ko ingat atau tak tu yang penting.
ces ces cescessss....

aku terpikirla kan, apa perlunya cakap `kawan sampai mati` friendship forever` etc etc when hakikatnya kita lupakan sume kata kata yang kita cakap/tulis tu after a while? hanya kerna semua orang tulis macam tu, tak semestinya kita pun kena tulis macam tu. Sure people come and go, but with some effort, you can stay where you are and what you are. 100 tahun pun. 1000 tahun pun.
Mungkin aku takde member yang ngaku bestfriend aku so aku pikir macam ni. maybe yes and maybe no.
aku tak suka bila jumpa member yang pernah ngaku bestfriend, yang pernah tido sebantal, share 1 selimut, yang sama sama makan 1 talam time orentasi, yang sama sama mengekek kekek bila baca majalah, tak kenal satu sama lain. rasa malu nak tegur bila jumpa. mengelak nak duduk 1 meja bila makan, etc etc etc. tipu lah kalau xd menda camni.

Please, dont make distance and time reasons to be apart.
As I still remember all of you.
and still long to meet all of you.
Tak kira yang kat SKSering, atau kat MMP. dn juga kat PPKTJ.

jangan biarkan dirimu diselimuti misteri friendship yang berharga hilang. make some effort la.

49

ngehehehehehe~ just a short update as I still cant transfer pictures from my SD card to my Laptop.
I had been salivating over this poster since I saw it at Village Vanguard AEON Niihama. Selalu berangan nak tampal poster camni kat umah, So,I bought the lady last Saturday. Hihihi~

I like Audrey Hepburn even though I havent watch any of her movies yet. For me, she is soooo pretty and beautiful. Especially in this movie.

I really like my new house(room). So far I did managed to get it to look like what I wanted it to be. I did said that I want a pink room but in reality and due to money restrictions during my first month in here, I settles with a beige carpet, brown curtain supplied by my landlord, black TV rack and black book shelves, black standing mirror, red coffee table and leopard-skin-sofa. The only pink thing(big stuff not small stuff) is my Futon, which I bought them from my kosen days.

As many of you know how messy my room can be, alhamdulillah I managed to keep the messiness to a very minimum level. Insya Allah will try to keep it this way. Serious yo,tak tipu~
Tengah minggu ie selasa,rabu, messy la sikit sebab occupied with lab reports and night classes. Paling teruk maybe on Wednesday kot.Pagi bangun, siapkan report, g lab, g kelas fukushi, balik kejap masak, off to night class again around 7.30pm (class starts at 7.40pm) and I return home around 9.30pm (class finish at 9.10pm or earlier) So balik dah penat, I biasa mandi, have my dinner, chatting/video call while watching TV or doing assignments. Then go to sleep as I have morning classes on the next day.

(kata short update....)
Oklah, dah kul 2.mau tidur~

35

Read this on StarOnline Today

Newborn girl abandoned at rubbish dump

IPOH: A newly born baby girl was found abandoned at the rubbish dump of a shopping mall here.
Passers-by who found the baby wrapped in a piece of cloth took her to the Raja Permaisuri Bainun Hospital here Saturday.
The hospital's deputy director, Dr Raimi Goon said Sunday that the baby, who was brought in at around 6pm, was healthy and did not suffer any injury despite being abandoned at the dump.
Ipoh police chief, ACP Azisman Alias said police received a report on the matter and urged anyone with information of the case to contact the nearest police station. - Bernama

More babies are abandon everywhere in Malaysia.
Takdak hotak ka?
Buat reti, protection tak mo (mahal kan nak beli kondom,plus malu r nak g 7E beli menda tu aja), pastu bila dah terjadi, Buang meratarata. Hoi! Kalau dah sangap sangat nak buat sangat, chanto pakai la kondom tu. Member aku yang jadi Nurse ada cakap, kondom ada available kat klinik klinik. Free je pun.
Aku tak menggalakkan free sex atau sex before marriage etc etc. Hanya geram ngan orang yang tak reti nak pakai otak. Sekolah tinggi tinggi, tak boleh pikir ke consequence dari apa yang ko buat tu. Hukeleh, takkan la tak tau kalau bersetubuh akan leads to pregnancy. Dok era mana kalau tak tau tu.
Or sebab sayangkan kekasih hati sangat2 sampai I will give you all that I have, my heart my body owh sayang I love you muax muax muax selamat berlayar di dalam napsu. 9bulan lepas tu, uwek uwek menangis baby dalam tandas dalam longkang tunggu masa nak kena baham dek anjing
Learn not to trust people too much biarpun orang tu cakap I love you abang sayang you aku chenta sama mu. Set limit bila berchenta. Berchenta aja pun. Bukan semestinya ko kawen ngan dia.
(mengingatkan diri sendiri gak ni)

Aku kesian kat baby2 tu.
Dorang tak berdosa. Suci. Pure. Seputih kain putih. Yang berdosa nya orang yang buang baby2 tu. Yang buat hanya tuk keseronokkan sementara.
Aku nak baby2 tu kalau ada orang nak bagi.
Biar aku jaga. Aku nak.
Dorang tu masa depan kita, masa depan Malaysia. Kita boleh prevent dorang dari hancur kalau kita tak leh prevent generasi kita hancur.
Girls out there, jaga diri. Tetapkan pendirian anda. Jangan mudah terpengaruh dengan katakata manis seorang lelaki. Selagi dia tak jabat tangan tok kadi, selagi tu la jangan percaya dia all out. Beres?
Guys, behave yourselves too. Before ko buat paper, cuba pikir what if orang lain buat menda yang sama to your kakak,to your adik and to your anak.
We seriously in need of sex ed.

***

below this point sume randomness. malas nak buat entry banyak2 sumbat masuk 1 aja

Read more »

31

membebel kejap~
taknak baca pun xpe. worthless unless your name is Ao.

Read more »

29

Checklist

Read more »

27

***edit***
last last
我慢できなくて、
電話してしまった
Resulting in kena gelak
Hampeh
*cover malu*
・・・・
このときの自分が大嫌い。。。
精一杯逃げたいけど
なかなか逃げられない
風が通らない場所に隠れたい。。。
でも
風からは逃げられないでしょう?
どこへ行っても
いつも吹いてる
今
精一杯我慢してる
面倒くさがりやの風に
重い荷物になりたくないから
いつでも元気で笑ってる太陽になりたい

知ってる?

太陽ってさ。。。

他の人を光るために。。。

自 分が燃えてる。。。

粉々になるまでに自分を燃やす。。。

少しずつ。。。

何も残るまでに。。。

燃えて る。。。


大丈夫
時間がかかるでも
たぶん一人で立ち直れる
全部飲み込んだら
きっと大丈夫から

26

Life updates

- had a long talk with someone yesterday. very very long. about a lot of things.
- I had finished my exams, done my thesis and presentation and I am on my spring hols waiting for graduation. at last. alhamdulillah.
- I havent start packing yet and still under shocked seeing all the things I have in my room. I want to throw it all if I can.
- it is weird and amazing how you can be honest with someone and doesnt afraid to let he/she knows what inside of you.
- I am still adjusting and please bear with me.
- upon someone`s suggestion, I downloaded hachimitsu to kuroba and falled in love with the anime.
- Mizore today! 9/3=ari berterimakasih ke ape dattake? its freaking cold wei!
- I am now stucked in the lab helping my junior with her experiment.
- missing a lot people.