84

I used to get this kind of headache once in a month, or worse, more than once since I was in primary school.
It feels like something pounds my head. Not with hammer but with a soft hammer making my head spins and makes me nauseated. It usually occurs late in a day; around Maghrib to midnight. If the headache attacks me, I am hopeless and can't do anything but to turn off lights and TV, radio or any sound making devices and sleep.

(extra sensitiveness to light and sound, checked)

It usually occurs on my frontal head or sometimes on the back of my skull.

The thing I hate the most is the aftermath of the attack.
( didn't really hate the attack as I just need to pop a PCM or two, turn off any light and/or sound making devices and just sleep)
But the aftermath is the worse. I usually wake up in the middle of the night, STARVING as if all my energy was used to treat the headache.
Then, my foot and hands will be as cold as I'd been playing with snow all day.
I also can't wear my lenses and my mood also effected. But I can't help it. The pain subsided but the effect is still there. My neck is as stiff as pinocchio's, my head feels numb.


I just suffer an attack last night. One of the worse one this year.

And now I'm suffering the aftermath. And starting to imagine pentanol's smell out of nowhere.




Wait a second, did I just described a migraine attack?

83

Noun	1.	insecurity - the state of being subject to danger or injury danger - the condition of being susceptible to harm or injury; "you are in no danger"; "there was widespread danger of disease" insecureness - the state of being exposed to risk or anxiety security - the state of being free from danger or injury; "we support the armed services in the name of national security"
	2.	insecurity - the anxiety you experience when you feel vulnerable and insecure anxiety - a vague unpleasant emotion that is experienced in anticipation of some (usually ill-defined) misfortune

Is not good at all.

82

okeh.
kita tarik napas panjang panjang...
hembussssss
tarik lagi.....
hembusssssss

MASA UNTUK MENERIMA KENYATAAN

The Truth that,


I AM FAT.
I AM NOW ONE FAT GIRL.

okeh,yang nak mengomen, `ape gemuk nye ko...you look just fine to me.`, please dont do so, coz, I am fat now.

Self realization.

Semua nya bermula pada suatu tengahari yang tenang, dengan cuaca yang begitu mengasyikan untuk kembali beradu didalam selimut berkuasa elektrik sambil di temani penguin gebu kesayangan

NOT

actually ditemani suara seorang yang geram. `tidor je keje, cuba lah gerakkan badan tu.ni dok tidor tidor pastu merungut dah gemuk`
That was MrBeau

Tang tang tu la, gambar ke Bizan semalam,ada orang upload. And my oh my, what did I saw?
My freaking humongous big thigh and cheek. Not to mention my spare tires are clearly visible here and there.

That my dear friends, are the proof that I am no longer as slim as what I used to be and I am now F.A.T

I miss wearing my white jeans from my PPKTJ days. And the grey slack I bought a few years ago. And those nice tops and blouses which a no no to me now.

I realized that, I was slim and SLIM when I was in my MMP and PPKTJ due to the fact that I was physically active. I used to go for Taekwondos training which lasted for 3 hours per week. I walked here and there, sometimes just for a bungkus of nasi. I STUDIED FOR HOURS AND HOURS. I can eat a whole loaf of bread and another plate of rice and stay skinny.

No wonder why.

Gonna change my life style. Limiting my calories intake and changing my diet did me nothing. Gonna work my self up and crank my metabolism up a few notch again.

-one of my 2010 and 2009 resolutions which didnt work. *sigh*

81

currently, I am strangled by my own hair.

I have been spending the last half hour trying to get this big blog of tangled hair into its silky smooth matter again.

I am this close of getting a hair cut and chop off my long locks into a bob. or have them permed into nice wavy curls (but in other hand,NO! as my hair is prone to tangle)

No-no to cut them off to. This is because, I am easily get charged and it means, I am prone to electric static. Especially in dry weather is the winter. 

IF I cut my hair into a bob,the charges will make my head looks like a mushroom. Big fat mushroom. I will look like one everytime after showers and waking up from sleep.

*sigh*

it seems that I have to bear with these tangles. gonna get them off my head.buhbye~

80

Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some point, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me. 

(quoted from Ike Graham, Runaway Bride 1999)

I ♥ you MrBeau

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